So many of Teh THANgzz

I think this may be one of the first posts where I don't have all negative shit to say.

Things have been going fairly well for me (knock on wood) at work, with my family, and socially also.

I decided to finally put aside my ego with Christine from work and work with her as a tier 2 agent instead of thinking she, and everyone else, is against me. I had several panic attacks at work last Wednesday after having sent Christine a nasty territorial piss of an email over something miniscule and stupid. I apologized to her and decided that if I want to be amazing in tier 2 I have to go and get it and work my ass off instead of complaining someone else is doing better. Things have been going really good ever since then.

Also at work I ended up making friends with my supervisor Maureen's daughter Lizzie who is 20 years old but despite that is amazingly cool. We were texting and we have practically everything in common from music to new agey stuff straight down to a fascination with true crime. We even both had traumatic health experiences and shes a self published children's book writer, like I'd like to be. Lizzie says that its perfect that we are making friends because all of her friends are older (closer to my age) and gay and her best friend is ftm. I'm not getting my hopes up but I'm really excited to be possibly making friends, gay friends even, in my area so YAY.

I'm not back on facebook, which I'm happy about, but I decided to dl AIM for shits and giggles and my cousin Tara AND Rev are on there. Rev has always been this bringer of others in my life and is so esoteric and amazingly absurd in her thought processes that her and I are like kindred spirits and always have been. Having Rev and Tara, along with Pam and Kim to chat and skype with has improved my mentality. Its super important to have some people to just... talk to and hang out with instead of going on your computer to silence and solitude.

I can keep and maintain online communication without facebook, fuck you facebook,

I have to mention that Monique sent me an email the other day asking me how I am. This whole situation is so bizarre to me. I can't even mention how many times her and I have had arguments which were sad and mean and terrible, took a step aside for a month  or so, came back to try to patch things up (either as friends or otherwise) and just end up in the same exact position as before.

What is the position you ask? The position is that I feel ignored, under-appreciated, and unfulfilled and mention it to her hoping for understanding but instead getting told I'm wrong. Fuck that. In hindsight I'm not sure why I went back so many times. I guess I had hoped she would change, or I would change, or something would change but it never did.

I told her in a reply email that I think it best we don't communicate.

My thing is that I don't even understand why she is trying to communicate with me. When I was around she did her best to make me feel intentionally ignored and un-cared for by getting on skype with me and preferring to do anything instead of actually listen to a word I say, then when I bring it up to her that I was hurt she told me I was wrong, and also toxic. If I'm so terrible and toxic then you shouldn't want anything to do with me.

She can't bother to be a considerate and attentive friend than I can't be bothered to have anything to do with her. A small iota of consideration and I would still be friends with her, but she couldn't muster it. I guess she thought she'd have me around forever, always coming back, No.

The sun doesn't rise and set with Monique. I'm not her mother, its not my job to hold her and comfort her and tell her how right she is when shes actually a selfish, immature BRAT in reality. Veruca Salt needs to grow the fuck up.

Not to be harsh. I love her to death but not enough to coddle and babysit her disillusioned ego. The saddest shit is she will never know... like... she will never realize how offbase her notions are 1and it makes me very very sad for her future. She will never find any woman to take on the role of Mom and Pop B, Yes sirring her to death and telling her shes perfect. It would be awesome if she did, but she won't, because thats not how the world works.

I'm not letting her in again because I know what will happen and its not worth it. She will never grow up, shes a toys r us kid. And I'm getting riled up in this post and I don't want that. Her negatory vibes are already leeching in.

Today is my Friday and I want to just enjoy this shit.

I'll post another time